15 WAYS TO ACTUALLY IMPROVE THE NEXT YEAR OF YOUR LIFE

The start of a year is always filled with token resolutions, how to improve yourself, how to not do the same stuff as last year type posts. To be honest, they annoy me a bit but I understand why people post them - goals are good right?

But some are just so damn pretentious and stuck up and just so far fetched, that they make me feel nauseous.

 

“Brew own kombucha.”

“Have more sex or less sex”

“Blend your own wine”

“Run a vineyard marathon”

 

I read them. I laugh. I acknowledge that I do in fact, love kombucha but I’m not about to brew my own because who the fuck has time for this shit. I decided to write a more appropriate one for twenty something’s who don’t have their heads up their arses.

 

So I present, 15 WAYS TO ACTUALLY IMPROVE YOUR COMING YEAR OF LIFE.

 

- Wash your bras more often. Im personally ashamed about how often I wash mine – don’t lie, you’re shit too.

 

- Maybe expand your dinner options from something other than cheese.

 

- Stop saying things like ‘lit’ and ‘fam’ so often.

 

- Banish the term fuckboy from your vocabulary, also maybe banish men that fit that term from your life too. Call them what they are, which is a cunt. Win win.

 

- Talk to or visit your parents more often. They are lovely people (probably) and probably a lot of fun now that you are at an appropriate age to drink together.

 

- Know what you like and want in sex, and learn how to ask for it. You don’t have to put up with less than average sexual adventures this year man, go get yours.

 

- Try to break free from your crippling wine addiction and swap it to something healthy, like gin.

 

- I know that cynicism is fucking trendy now, but seeing the worst in everything and everyone is draining and a bit shitty. Try and not be so much of a cunt this year huh.

 

- Appreciate how awesome your friends are. They put up with you EVERY DAY and are good people. Tell them you love their faces and make an effort to be a lovely friend.

 

- Revisit the old films and music you grew up with and relish in how fabulously amazing and cringe worthy they are. I rewatched Drive Me Crazy the other day, and shit a BRICK Adrian Grenier was a smoking hot babe in 1999 and definitely spurned my sexual awakening.

 

- Stop being dicks/showing dicks/not replying on Tinder. Social courtesy is great, people!

 

- Improve your dick pic skills if you are so desperate to send them, by going to critiquemydickpic.tumblr.com ... the women of 2016 will thank you.

 

- Drink more water. Hydrate the fuck out of yourself.

 

- Read more good books. Expand your brain from something other than twitter and LadBible bullshit.

 

- Happiness is not over rated, neither is fun. Do some dumb, fun shit and make 2016 a hella good one.

 

Now be good kids, ya hear?