ADVICE FROM YOUR ONLINE BEST FRIEND FOREVER (ME)

If you know me at all or read any of my stuff, you'll understand these three things about me: 

- I giveth barely any fucks 

- I will always tell the truth (too lazy to lie) 

and 

- I firmly believe that you can always do better and be better for YOURSELF 

 

In all my years as a functioning human (not long really), I've had a fair few experiences. None of it is particularly flashy or worth putting on my LinkedIn, but enough to confidently say that I feel confident about passing on advice. Really! 

It's not like when you read those shitty advice columns about dating, and they're all like "Women love assholes! Be a dick to her and she'll be slobbin on ya knob in no time!" and you just KNOW in the depths of your heart that the person that wrote it is a virgin in a basement somewhere. 

 

Trust that if I give some semblance of advice, that I've been directly impacted by something similar. 

 

Most people have that person in their life that they can ask just about anything and know that they'll get a honest answer back, even if it stings like a bitch. But, I get some messages and questions from women that don't seem to have that person - and they want some help. 

 

I want to be that person for you! Your belligerent best friend, if you will. 

 

So let's get cracking on some of the topics that have been brought up with me over the past few weeks. 

 

Why the fuck are we celebrating the bare minimum?

 

Mate. MATE. We have got to stop praising people for being normal humans with common decency. Oh ya man decided to actually give a fuck for one day in his life instead of the usual negative bullshit? Well done Josh, you want a fucking cookie? Normal people clean up after themselves and are kind to their partners, it's not a feat. 

 

It's really hard if you come from a background of negative relationships - be it romantic or platonic, to differentiate between what is normal and what is not good. 

 

Let's rattle off a few ae, and see if we can tell the difference! 

 

- You cook 49 nights out of 50. Your partner cooks 1. They make it seem like it's meant to be a treat for you. 

- Your partner makes you feel like a naggy bitch every time you ask for some help. 

- You use the tag #relationshipgoals when they do basic ass shit like ask you how your day is, or make the bed. 

Let's hit this nail right on the head - relationships are two sided and both sides must do equal work or else it's not really a great relationship. More of a creepy parent - kid thing and we DONT want to go down that road. 

 

Don't look after someone that won't look after you! You're not a carer! They don't need to donate their organs to you or anything, but a lil balance would be super. 

 

How the fuck do I eat better without wanting to stab myself? 

 

So I've both lost and gained a fair chunk of weight (hi tummy), and it took a fucking long time to learn how to not murder anyone or eat cake out of the bin while on a diet. 

 

My tips are pretty simple and they work for me, they might not work for you but anything is worth a shot right. 

 

  • Have the fucking treats. 

I'm not saying binge eat a whole cake just because you can, but in truth - denying yourself treats doesn't really work. If you restrict all week long, then you get to Saturday and it's time for your cheat meal - you are deffo going to binge your wee heart out. 

If you've been eating really well, and someone offers you a cookie and you want that cookie - I say fucking eat it. It will stop the cravings, and the more time you spend without eating cookies or junk, it's actually true that you stop craving them as much. 

Your progress wont disappear after one cookie, but could after a few 5,000 calorie cheat meals. 

 

  • Stop checking healthy or skinny people instagrams obsessively

I used to follow a BUNCH of people I wanted to look like and would check on what they ate, alllll the fucking time. The truth is it made me think about my weight constantly, 24/7. Food was separated into "clean food" and "bad food", and I looked at my body all the time to see if I looked like them yet. I felt like shit. 

It doesn't help. Sure at the start it might help to see some healthy meals for motivation, but if you're all about it all day every day - it's more damaging long term to your mental health and the way you perceive your body. 

 

  • Learn that nutritious food isn't always just green salads

It helped me a lot to read about nutrition, macronutrients, the difference between a healthy food that was secretly bad for me, and what was legit. 

Do your googling, read scientific articles, talk to a dietician if you really need help! Apps like MyFitnessPal are super helpful if you want to learn about what you eat daily and what it breaks down in to macronutrient wise. 

Then you can actually eat better food than a sad chicken salad every day. 

 

How do I stop feeling out of place for being just average?

 

This is something I think about a lot, to be honest.

It's fucking weird when you look all over social media and tv and everything, and you see a lot of thin people and nowadays, a good amount of plus size body positive people. Both are awesome! But you feel a bit lost because, well, you're not either of those things. You just kinda a mix of both. A lil bit chubby in some places, and a little bit skinny in some places. I fit into this category!

 

I try and look at it as a positive. Somewhere out there, there's more women feeling the exact same way as you, and they're looking for more people like them. This is why I'm so fucking pro-selfie and self acceptance because, you never know who might look at a photo of you (while doing a cheeky stalk) and feel like "Hey! There's a girl with my body type. She looks bangin? Maybe I look bangin too?" and then the whole cycle repeats. 

 

We need more representation of all different body types, and wherever you fit on that scale - I guarantee you look as good as anyone else and you shouldn't let yourself feel invisible because you don't look like people on Instagram. I really want to see your photos with your boyfriend, the photos where you dressed up and felt saucy, and the stupid snapchat filter photos. 

 

Because I take them too! 

 

I'll be doing some more of these best friend advice posts, so let me know if you have any burning topics you want to chat about!