How many times have you seen your friends or colleagues or some rando on Instagram proclaim that they're going to start a blog? A lot right. 

They're free (mostly), you have the ability to make some money, and you can say whatever you want. They're insanely popular and I totally understand why people want to start them - I have one. Obvs. 


But over and over again you see them start, then almost immediately stop because they're not making money or they're not getting any followers. There's this weird misconception that blogging = ca$$$$h or free shit. 


Guuurl you think I'm out here rolling in that funny money? Yeah, nah. 


I get plenty of messages asking for tips on starting a blog, tips on how to get free shit, advice on what to write even (like I'd give you my ideas lol). I'm going to sum up all the shit you should know before you head to Squarespace and make yourself a freebie logo on Canva and start calling yourself an 'influencer'. 


You'll be writing to no one for a long time


Okay, the exception to this rule is if you already have a few thousand followers on social media, then you'll probably get a good amount of views. BUT, if you're a regular basic bitch like myself - you're going to be talking to thin air for a LONG TIME. Be prepared to feel like a tiny, insignificant blip on the internet - cause that's what you are! It blows. But it's necessary. 


You won't go viral on your first post. Probably not even your 50th post. 


Sure it seems like everyone and their mum has gone viral at some point, but it's actually hard to do so. There seems to be no real set formula for getting hella famous, so it's probably best if you don't try and aim for it, because you'll just come across as a bit desperate and unchill. Chill out. 90% of us won't ever be as viral as a video of a racoon feeding itself popcorn - that's just life.


You won't get paid shit. 


I love when people think this is my job. Hahahahahahaha. You think I would dress this shit if I was a real blogger? Puh-leeeease. 

It is hard to get paid to write. To write anywhere. 

You need to put in hard work in all your platforms to even get free things, let alone paid work with a company. It is such bad form to go about contacting companies for paid work when you have nothing to attach to your name - what do the companies get out of it? They pay you to write and post it to your 100 readers? It sounds really harsh but it's business - you need to make it an equal partnership. Do the mahi. 

Even established bloggers these days have to fight to get paid - they will offer you "exposure" in return, but bitch I can't pay for my rent and beer with exposure. 

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Free stuff comes with a catch and most of the time, it's promoting something you fucking hate. 


When you get to kind of middle ground baby blogger status, you might get offered free products. Lemme tell you - nothing is free. You'll likely get offered a random selection of things, that mostly make no sense to what you blog about or what your brand is. 

You can tell the people that just accept all freebies and do promos for anyone because their shit is the most jumbled, fake bullshit and it's very hard to find any real substance in it. 

Decide if you want free stuff, and what you'll be willing to do for the free stuff. 


Prepare for people to hate you and hate your work


Anyone that has put anything out into the internet world knows that someone, somewhere will hate it. A lot of the time, they will tell you just how much they hate it too. 

It's draining, it's demoralising, and it's pretty consistent. If you want to be one of those sites that people read often, you have to be prepared for some backlash. They will criticise anything - your face, your writing, your POV, your hands, the way you smile - even just made up shit.

It's up to you how you deal with it, but it's gonna be there. 


If you don't enjoy the hard work, it won't work. 


Writing, running, and maintaining a website is a lot of work. Work that no one really cares about but you. If you aren't writing or posting things that genuinely interest you - it's going to fail spectacularly. 

How are you gonna deal with all the stuff at the start where you have no followers or readers, if you don't enjoy your own content? 

Make things you're proud of. 


Dont fucking copy other people, you dipshit. 


Okay, this is maybe a little harsh but I'm serious. Ripping off someone else will get you NOWHERE and it's really fucking embarrassing.

It's not hard to be original, and if you can't - then maybe you shouldn't have a blog, know what I'm sayin? 


Look here's the skinny - I write because I love it, and I love making people laugh. I don't do it for the #fame and the #freebies and the chance to be #viral. 

These are my tips, use or abuse them - your choice. I"m off to go watch more racoon videos.

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