Starting over

There was a long time where I thought I had my entire life sorted and planned out. I had a 'five year plan' if you will. It involved a long term partner, a good job, saving to travel together and much more. 

Then, one day I woke up and it was like someone had pulled the blinds up on my life and glaringly bright sunlight was rushing in to expose me for what I was. Unhappy. 

I made the decision to start my life over again, alone. I left my long term partner (who was and is my best friend) and moved out on my own. I've never lived alone before, fended for myself completely - and the thought was incredibly scary yet I knew that was the only thing that I could do to reclaim some part of myself, that had been forgotton. 

I didnt know what I enjoyed anymore, where I wanted to live, what I wanted to actually do with myself - everything I used to be 100% sure of for so long. It's incredibly weird to realise you dont know yourself very well anymore. 

The last two months have been a learning experience. I've drunk far, far too much alcohol, haven't been to the gym, met friends I neglected over the years, stayed out late, got up early, been on dates, ate whatever I wanted and had mini dance parties in my kitchen. It's been amazingly fun. 

I still don't know what I want to do with my life or where I want to live. I'm gradually sorting that out.  Maybe there will be someone there to help me decide eventually - it doesn't matter.

This month I'm getting back into my training, eating properly, hanging out with special people and really just trying to make myself happy for a change. I'm also planning on getting professional pictures taken for the blog and really, just to get over this fear of mine of other people taking photos of me. 

Starting over is super shitty and hard, but it's been the best thing in the world for me.