TRUTHS AND HOW TO WORK ON HAPPINESS
It's a confronting thing when you realise that your life is not as stable as you had once thought.
It's almost as though you are in a beautiful bubble - you know things aren't perfect, but for the most part you are happy. You are content and feel as though you may have this 'adult' thing sorted out. I mean, you're paying your bills, you're in a relationship, you shave your legs semi regularly.
Then some things fall apart and you suddenly see that the domino effect is a hella real thing.
So this was me this last month. A lot of pieces in my life seem to have crumbled one by one, reducing me to a little anxiety ridden, lonely shell of myself. After problems with my health (whats up Endometriosis) and problems with my seemingly healthy relationship, I realised that the image I had of myself was not very accurate anymore.
I've written about my depression, about my issues with obsessive exercise and things before so I had thought I was making headway, you know trying to get myself to a healthier place. What I saw when everything fell apart, was that I had become a needy, codependent, person that didn't have any hobbies and relied on one person for my happiness (sorry bae).
It really feels like shit when that happens.
Things are not great right now, but I know that I need to put in work on myself to get my life into a healthier and happier place. And it's important I do so, for the sake of my relationship, my independence, and my sanity.
I looked at this site long and hard. Who was I writing for? What was the actual purpose of this place? Did I want to do this only for likes, or for followers?
My answer was no, I wanted this place to stay the way I had envisioned it - a place for me to write my thoughts and make people feel like they aren't alone, even just for a little bit. So i redid my design, I moved to a clean, minimal theme because I wanted the writing and the photography to be the only part you focus on. Thats the only thing that is important for me now, I don't mind if things get viewed or shared or liked - this is a safe place for thoughts and ideas.
I want you to know if you are struggling with your health, your relationship, or your identity of self - there are things you can do to help yourself. This is my advice, and the things I personally will be working on.
- Have a real think about who you are as a person. I like to write things down for this. Are you generous, kind, independent, hard working, assertive, complicated, free spirited, introverted? Think honestly and think of negative features too. Then look at what you have, and see if these things accurately sum you up, and if you are HAPPY with these. This will help you find things you may need to work on.
I noticed qualities of myself that I would like to work on. I had always prided myself on being independent, and I'm not so much anymore - So I'm working on fixing this.
- Have a look at how you spend your personal time. Are you taking work home with you? Are you sitting around waiting until someone asks you to hang out? Do you have any hobbies? Do you do things that actively bring you joy?
I noticed that I was neglecting all my hobbies, and also my health - by not working out anymore. It was easy to forget about these because I got so used to spending time with someone. This doesn't lead to a fulfilling and challenging life.
- Make a list of the things you know make you happy, no matter how small (Mine has 'eating bread' on it soooo...yeah). Assess how often you actually do or indulge in these things. Is it enough?
- Think about whether it would help to talk to someone. Sometimes, you just need some help and in no way does that make you less independent or strong - it makes you smart for putting your mental health a priority. There are options for cheaper, or sometimes free counsellors - see if your workplace is a part of EAP an actively use that service, thats what its there for.
If you aren't keen to talk to someone, I personally can recommend the use of a journal. I love mine! And no I don't start each entry with "Dear Diary" - but I do talk about dramas, funny things and its honestly just a brain dump. Loooove it.
- Try not to depend on crutches to get you through the day, or the week, or bad situations. If you have a bad day and you NEED to fill that void with food, or alcohol say - this is a crutch. Vices are common and totally normal, but think about whether you have any destructive habits and try and cut down on those.
- Honestly, have a #treatyourself moment. Sometimes, being a little indulgent is so great. Whatever your thing is, make sure its for YOU and only you, and that it fills you with so much joy you think you're gonna vomit.
- Think about the relationships in your life. Are these healthy, loving, give and take relationships? Do you feel like you are only there for a friend when they need you, and it's not being returned? Is your relationship with your SO draining or do they make your days better?
It is okay to say 'Enough'. It is okay to cut ties with people and move on, move forward. Make sure you are treated right, and that you return the same sentiment to the people you care for.
Things can be really shitty sometimes, but I got you. We'll be fine I promise. Have a drink.